I'm TAing a seminar on Christian ethics at BU, a large Baptist university in town. Two years ago, BU had a huge controversy over the rights of queer employees and students on campus after a coach was fired for telling her team she was having a baby with her partner. Being a queer woman myself, it would be understandable if I felt concern over my identity in the classroom. Being out could compromise my moral authority or make me less approachable, which could indirectly result in our readings being handled (even more) uncharitably by the students. I care about that.
I'm not too hung up about it. BU is largely populated by hipsters...my queerness looks to them like straight-but-alternative. Plus, I don't really care what would happen if they found out. I'd be interested to observe it. However, I did notice that while my professor was introducing herself, she first mentioned that she was married with two children. And I do dress with care, frequently tending toward femme or femme with a few key andro pieces.
My prof asked why I wasn't telling the students, probably curious about my sense of safety in the classroom. I was surprised how quickly the answer came to my lips: I enjoy that they can't know for sure if I'm queer or straight. I like that I can keep them guessing, that I'm a difficult text to read. I think this is one instance of feeling a sense of femme-empowerment. (And isn't all that "being queer"?)
Yet there's another reason. I've had a lot of anxiety over passing as straight in the rest of my life lately - I do tend to dress more casually when I'm not TAing, and I worry about how I'm read on the street, in stores; I worry about my safety. It's actually nice that it is such a non-issue in the classroom - a non-issue that I've exerted power over, that I've made it a non-issue on my terms. I like to fantasize that this is what the world would be like if we maybe didn't get so startled when women have sex with women. No need to disclose. No activism to do (at least around LGBTQ issues...).
But I think all my talk about 'non-issue' was overly simplistic. It's not a non-issue.
Still thinking.
I'm not too hung up about it. BU is largely populated by hipsters...my queerness looks to them like straight-but-alternative. Plus, I don't really care what would happen if they found out. I'd be interested to observe it. However, I did notice that while my professor was introducing herself, she first mentioned that she was married with two children. And I do dress with care, frequently tending toward femme or femme with a few key andro pieces.
My prof asked why I wasn't telling the students, probably curious about my sense of safety in the classroom. I was surprised how quickly the answer came to my lips: I enjoy that they can't know for sure if I'm queer or straight. I like that I can keep them guessing, that I'm a difficult text to read. I think this is one instance of feeling a sense of femme-empowerment. (And isn't all that "being queer"?)
Yet there's another reason. I've had a lot of anxiety over passing as straight in the rest of my life lately - I do tend to dress more casually when I'm not TAing, and I worry about how I'm read on the street, in stores; I worry about my safety. It's actually nice that it is such a non-issue in the classroom - a non-issue that I've exerted power over, that I've made it a non-issue on my terms. I like to fantasize that this is what the world would be like if we maybe didn't get so startled when women have sex with women. No need to disclose. No activism to do (at least around LGBTQ issues...).
But I think all my talk about 'non-issue' was overly simplistic. It's not a non-issue.
Still thinking.
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