senior seminar 1

michelson's syriaca project + foucault genealogy + how to do ethical history in a //cliche: rapidly changing world//

i think this practical aspect (the syriaca proj) would help my interests fit the parameters of sr sem.

summer plan

definitely
-develop a reading list to cover gaps in knowledge
- ...read those things.
-study for GRE, take it at end of the summer
-plan / read ahead for senior sem
-using list of potential advisors, get a handle on their areas and read articles & books

maybe
-kenchreae?
-syriaca.org

analogia

I have a knack for analogies. I did not know this about myself. It doesn't come out as much in my writing. But when I see that my students are very confused, I can pull out a good analogy ("so if your theology of salvation is a plant...") or an example ("remember in pocahontas? but then let me tell you what's happening now with natives and resources") at the drop of a hat. One of the things I was most worried about with teaching was that I wouldn't be able to communicate clearly. In conversations with friends and acquaintances I tend to use weird syntax, make strange examples, and generally not make much sense, especially when I feel pressure. But I think the added dash of authority I get in the classroom helps my confidence and releases my mouth and mind to do their best work.

vocare ii

My Episcopal partner's tradition dictates that a vocation is not only something that is spoken to you by God. It is also voiced to you by your community.

Since July, so many affirmations of a possible future in the academy have visited me from my colleagues and friends. Sometimes in passing, only occasionally when I've brought it up first, and always with exaggerated tone of voice. Something like KW:

"So, how do you like TAing? Are you going to apply to grad school?" she asks with exaggerated nods, to answer my own question without my speaking.

Or SH:

"I look forward to reading your first book."

Or the other SH:

"You can do this."

I leave out voices like BD and RJ, whose opinions I solicited but are still positive.

----

Last night I dreamed about archaeology. I've never done it before, and I haven't thought about Kenchreai in awhile. But I was required to jump into a dark deep pit. I jumped. I was caught. And I happily began to dig away.

In the shower this morning I thought it over. Thought about setting up one of those registries that B&J put together. Thought about how maybe just maybe the in-laws might donate if I asked. Thought about the Imagination Grant, which VJ encouraged me to apply for.

Looked up the cost: over $7000, including tuition. But master's students don't get course credit, so I subtracted $4000. $3000 for room and board and lectures, $1000 for flights, $1000 for pocket money. If the Imagination Grant just covered the $3000...I wonder if I could raise the other $2000.

So today I e-mailed JR about going to Kenchreai. 

identity politics in the classroom

I'm TAing a seminar on Christian ethics at BU, a large Baptist university in town. Two years ago, BU had a huge controversy over the rights of queer employees and students on campus after a coach was fired for telling her team she was having a baby with her partner. Being a queer woman myself, it would be understandable if I felt concern over my identity in the classroom. Being out could compromise my moral authority or make me less approachable, which could indirectly result in our readings being handled (even more) uncharitably by the students. I care about that.

I'm not too hung up about it. BU is largely populated by hipsters...my queerness looks to them like straight-but-alternative. Plus, I don't really care what would happen if they found out. I'd be interested to observe it. However, I did notice that while my professor was introducing herself, she first mentioned that she was married with two children. And I do dress with care, frequently tending toward femme or femme with a few key andro pieces.

My prof asked why I wasn't telling the students, probably curious about my sense of safety in the classroom. I was surprised how quickly the answer came to my lips: I enjoy that they can't know for sure if I'm queer or straight. I like that I can keep them guessing, that I'm a difficult text to read. I think this is one instance of feeling a sense of femme-empowerment. (And isn't all that "being queer"?)

Yet there's another reason. I've had a lot of anxiety over passing as straight in the rest of my life lately - I do tend to dress more casually when I'm not TAing, and I worry about how I'm read on the street, in stores; I worry about my safety. It's actually nice that it is such a non-issue in the classroom - a non-issue that I've exerted power over, that I've made it a non-issue on my terms. I like to fantasize that this is what the world would be like if we maybe didn't get so startled when women have sex with women. No need to disclose. No activism to do (at least around LGBTQ issues...).

But I think all my talk about 'non-issue' was overly simplistic. It's not a non-issue.

Still thinking.